Tyrone Said:

Can you help me regarding?

We Answered:

Okay, you need paragraphs cause this is a wall of text that could definitely use some.

If I going to hire you judged on this, these are the mistakes that would catch my eye.
In order of appearance:

Scratch "a lot" and replace it with "many." It's a sloppy colloquialism, not very professional. A lot should only be used if there are too many manys, and as a last resort, yet it's the first thing you jump into.

Your use of the word "elements" doesn't really make sense.

You have a comma between college and university, which is wrong.

Med school? Sounds like you're name dropping. Find a more elegant way of telling him you have aspirations.

that is one ridiculously long sentence and needs a few commas in more appropriate places as well.

Second sentence. It should be a different paragraph.
Do not start with "Second reason." You started off saying "first of all," so using "Second reason," shows a lack of creativity in the ability to make a smoothly flowing paragraph without falling into predictable nuances. Also, it's another colloquialism to start off saying "Second" the way you do; unfortunately, I can't articulate why because I've never received a formal training in grammar and sentence structure, but you'll have to trust me, if you even consider any of what I said valid.

In the first line of this sentence you also have an onslaught of the word Jobs in it. Awkward. Rework to "I believe this will be an appropriate job for me because it requires self motivated behavior..." Take out self-started, it doesn't really make sense, since it's the same thing as self motivated.

The process of analysis, "proper emails," and phone calls shouldn't even be in the same sentence since there really isn't a correlation between the two halves of it. Maybe instead say that your mind will be kept fresh by the need to write proper emails, but honestly, I don't see the phone calls as "beneficial" to the mind since it doesn't sound like you're going to be in a PR position anyway.

"Point Point skills that I worked with in either OF my last jobs..." you said in instead of of.

Okay mate, I'm sorry but there are just too many things you've got wrong there. I'm stopping at the half way point. But seriously, if this is a compitative position, and anyone there is an actual english major (or history, sociology or psychology, or someone with proficient essay writing skills), and this essay is a key factor in the hiring, you're in trouble. I'd take this to an actual english professor since talking about this stuff is about 20 times easier and faster than typing it.

Good luck.

Leo Said:

What contributes to intelligence?

We Answered:

Genetics can do it

Irma Said:

Have you used the life and business optimisation tool?

We Answered:

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Travis Said:

Do you want to BOYL your life?

We Answered:

yes how much time I have to spend in a day

Angela Said:

What is your idea about my paragraph?

We Answered:

Aside from needing the money and the job fitting in well with my college schedule, I would dearly like to work for you. I know that is not an actual "need", but for me it is important to work for someone I like and respect, and from whom I might learn something worthwhile.

I want a job that exploits my strengths. I am a skilled writer, am capable of critical writing and thinking. Enjoy the demands and autonomy of working as a clerk for a busy professor and the trust I might be able to earn by performing well. I feel that by reading and critically analyzing other students work, not only do I have the chance of strengthening my own writing skills, but help other students with theirs.

I enjoy challenging, intellectually stimulating, purposeful work. I feel that working for you as a clerk will be all of that.

I will work hard, show up on time and will gladly meet the challenges and demands you set for me.


It is not perfect, but your answer was... well. My. Trust me.