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Bailey Middle School
Jeffrey Said:
how do i transfer to a school outside of my district, in jacksonville, florida??We Answered:
If your in Florida you can apply to your local School Board for a school choice to another school in your county. That's what my brother did and he went to a school my house isn't zoned for.Vicki Said:
What's your opinion on my story?We Answered:
it's a cool idea. and it is good, but i have some advice.for one thing, you say, "As I walked in the woods, I spotted an orange dragonfly!...I had never seen an orange dragonfly" and then in the journal she writes, "I was walking through the woods and saw an orange dragonfly! I've never even heard of one. . ." those are just really similar in my opinion. its not a big deal but maybe you could just change it a little. you could say something like,
"As I walked in the woods, I spotted an orange dragonfly with black spider-like veins in its wings that fluttered around happily. Its whole tiny body was actually orange, a neon, bright orange. since I usually wrote down everything that I've seen or done in my journal, I unzipped my backpack and pulled out my journal." and then say in the journal "I was walking through the woods and saw an orange dragonfly! I've never even heard of that. . .I'll have to look it up later..." that's just an idea.
also, when she says shes in 7th grade, it doesn't really fit. like, it just pops in there and sounds random and unnecessary. try to find another place where it flows better.
i don't think its necessary to describe the gazebo, most people know what it is.
i also find it a little weird how Violet just comes out and says she's a fairy. i know you skipped some parts so maybe it would make more sense if i knew how long they have known each other and how they met and everything, but it doesn't sound like they've known each other long and, again, it doesn't fit with the rest of the conversation. Unless its part of her personality that she cant keep secrets and needs to get things off her chest quickly, it just seems a bit weird.
and then this is just a pet peeve of mine, but does anyone ever actually pinch themselves to see if they're dreaming? i mean, maybe in a really strange situation, but it still just bothers me when characters do it (and a lot of fantasy books and movies have someone who doesn't believe they are awake) i just get annoyed.
you have a great start here! sorry if i seemed harsh, but every writer needs criticism to get better. good luck with this!!
happy writing :)
Deborah Said:
Do u think my story is good?We Answered:
I agree with the first answer...it's been done so many times..Jerry Said:
What are good middle names for...... +BNG!?We Answered:
~ Cody James~ Cody Matthew
~ Cody Nathaniel
~ Blake Thomas
~ Blake Oliver
~ Blake Alexander
~ Francesca Eleanor
~ Francesca Vivienne
~ Francesca Scarlett
~ Bailey Harriet
~ Bailey Evangeline
~ Bailey Madeline
#1 ~
Me ~ Katelyn Emily Jones
http://www.istockphoto.com/stock-photo-8…
I meet Maxwell Elliot Stone
http://www.istockphoto.com/stock-photo-1…
#2 ~
{A} We wait
#3 ~
Cameron Scott, Gabriel Scott & Elijah Scott Stone
(in order) Gabe, Cam & Eli
http://www.istockphoto.com/stock-photo-1…
#4 ~ Little Eli passes :','(
Cady Elizabeth Stone (cay-dee)
http://www.istockphoto.com/stock-photo-1…
#5 ~ We move to Alberta, Canada
http://rosemarywashington.files.wordpres…
#6 ~ :D
#7 ~ Levi Elijah Stone
http://www.istockphoto.com/stock-photo-1…
#8 ~ errr hell no its not on the rough side, i mean have you seen our house!!?? but fine i feel a bit insecure because we dont have any close neighbours.
So we get a female bernese mountain dog puppy named Saffron
http://www.istockphoto.com/stock-photo-1…
#9 ~ Elena Madeline, Ruby Evangeline & Zachary Benjamin Stone
http://www.istockphoto.com/stock-photo-1…
Fun :D Thankyou! x
Erik Said:
What are/were the names of popular girls at ur school?We Answered:
Amelia, Paige, Shelbi, Lexie, Maddie, Rorie, Mackenzie, Autumn, Tricia, Chase, Grace, Mikalia, Allison, McKenna, Chelsea, Gabby, Lauren, Danielle,Regina Said:
do you like my story so far?We Answered:
1. New Blonde hair! I mean brown is like poop!2. My new clothes need to be prefect
3. Observe how my new friends act, copy them
4. What to do and how to do it.
i would hope this girl catches a clue at the end of your story and realizes life is more than being popular and copying your friends so you can lose your individuality. other than that i like your writing style and think you definitely have a future in writing or journalism. good job.