Tina Said:

How to know *IF* you're a New Yorker By Willy? -- A born & raised NYer!?

We Answered:

All are false..but thx for sharing !! and yes...new yorkers are the coolest people !

Constance Said:

does this look or sounds like a job resume 4 the applestore

We Answered:

you have some good experience, but you need to present your experience professionally. You should look into finding a suitable resume format - you can search the web or look in Word for resume template.

Edna Said:

A Twist For A Story Please ?

We Answered:

Not sure what you intend here, prefer you were to ponder and ask a straight forward question using just a few lines perhaps, you would probably receive more replies .

Teresa Said:

tell me what you think?

We Answered:

"Nervous as anything"? That means nothing to me. Instead, say, "I was so nervous that..." and describe parts of your body - teeth chattering, chills, stomach churns, hands sweating, whatever. More descriptions help us see through the character's eye and become more attached to them.

From what I see, the story itself is fine, as I usually find. But your language is repetitive and a bit simple - vary up your word choice and the sentence structure, it makes your writing so much more interesting. One more thing, don't switch your tenses. You begin in past then move to present. Be careful of that!

I hope I helped. Keep writing and good luck!

Joseph Said:

what do you think of the start of my story?

We Answered:

it's ok, though i have two criticisms.
1: you are telling, not showing. You are just describing the scene. You need to use less description, but paint a better image. Less is more.
2: your sentences are much too long. there are commas where there should be full stops, or vice versa. This sentence:
My room hadn’t been big but at least I didn’t have to share, my two sisters, Narnie and Leah used to share the biggest room. But it was so full of Narnie’s junk that it didn’t matter much.

should be like this:
My room hadn’t been big but at least I didn’t have to share. My two sisters, Narnie and Leah used to share the biggest room, but it was so full of Narnie’s junk that it didn’t matter much.

this sentece:
He said it was to go with the sandstone edges that were on each of the four corners of the house. And it did look better, but I always loved the red against the pale white and yellow of the sandstone.
should be like this:
He said it was to go with the sandstone edges that were on each of the four corners of the house, and it did look better, but I always loved the red against the pale white and yellow of the sandstone.
there are more, but you can do those. im just giving you an idea of how things can be improved.

Christian Said:

CHANGE THAT IS POSSIBLE, Opinions and feedback please.?

We Answered:

You'vee got some GREAT idea's, and they would work if the world was totally ideal.

But, honestly, did social security work? The people that wrote it were well meaning,
Has ANYTHING ran by big government worked?
I personally feel that it's time to decrease the size;
Because.. communism in Switzerland works right??? Why not here?
I'm guessing because our government is hulking.




UPDATE:
I agree with your idea, but I think that it should be on a TOTALLY consensual basis.
Because, with our current government here in the USA, I didn't consent to being taxed for whatever those taxes go to, but if I can't pay for any reason, debt, etc... They will send men with guns to my house to cart me off to prison.

Not a very good deal if you ask me.

How about a totally consensual SMALL state where you have a signature agreeing to certain rules before you start paying taxes?
I like communism, but only when EVERYONE, not just 55% of the people agrees.